Duty's Burden
by CUtopia
Summary: Severus Snape had never thought that it would be easy to fulfill the mission Dumbledore had given to him, but when the Death Eaters catch a certain person, his duty collides with his hidden feelings...
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so, I don´t know where this will be leading to, I just had this idea as I rewatched Deathly Hallows 1, seeing the beginning with Charity Burbage being killed and like always I was just struck by Alan Rickmans acting, this man is just amazing! The hidden emotion, as he knew Charity good... and then I just imagined what would be if it had been Rolanda, being the Snooch-shipper all the way. So, watch the scene again and imagine Rickman/Snape while reading ;)

I hope you all like it!

* * *

The night was dark and cold as Severus Snape walked up the long parkway that lead to the impressive Malfoy Manor. His black cloak seemed to unify with the atmosphere that surrounded the world since the rise of Lord Voldemort. As calm as he looked to the people that saw him, as churning was his inside and before he went to meet the Dark Lord, he had to gather his thoughts and clear his mind to hide all the things that could reveal his real loyalties.

The reason for his troubled mind was, once again, the night in which he had to kill Albus Dumbledore. Severus felt guilt, even while knowing that it had been an order by Albus himself and that the curse in his hand would have killed the headmaster months later anyway, and also sorrow about the man who had seen the real Severus all the time and who had given him a chance.

But it was not Albus who was the biggest part of the storm raging inside him. It was someone who had barely been visible to him this night, but he knew that the person had seen what he had done. He had felt the golden gaze on him, he had been able to bode the tears and the incredulity in these eyes.

It was always hard to stop himself from thinking about her, but it was getting more challenging every day since this night and there were always these questions in his mind: What was she thinking about him now? Did she hate him now? Would he ever see her again as it was clear that the war was nearly there and that people would be hunted? Every time when he looked at the possible scenarios he felt this overwhelming fear that paralyzed him for a few seconds.

Severus took a deep breath and closed his mind, preparing himself for the mental presence of the Dark Lord and walked through the large entrance hall into the big dining hall with its heavy wooden table. His gaze wandered over the death eaters already sitting at the table. In the back of the room he could see a silhouette hovering in the air in a laid position, but the shadows were taking to much light away to give him a clue about the identity of the person. He looked over to the Dark Lord, sitting at the end side of the table and nodded at the round, stepping to the last free chair, while the cold voice of Voldemort spoke:"Severus... I was beginning to fear you´ve lost your way! Come, we´ve saved you a seat."

Severus sat down without a comment about his late arrival. He had to control himself to not take the risk for a look to the figure floating in the shadows and fully concentrated himself on the dark wizard next to him.

"You bring news, I trust!"

Severus knew that the Lord would be asking for that. Deep inside himself he heard a voice screaming at him to not give them the information he had been assigned to search for, but he knew that there was only this single option.

"It will happen at next Saturday night", he answered calmly, but immediately he heard another death eater talk up against him:"Bullish, I heard something different, saying that they won´t move Potter before the 30th. They can´t bring him out till he is seventeen!"

He would have loved to punch the dumb face of this man for moving up against him, not for the first time. He raised his voice only a little bit to underline his certainty.

"This is a false trail! They assume we have infiltrated the ministry, giving us knowledge about his movements."

The conversation went on and Severus, turning his head to the talking people, tried to take a closer look on the figure. He assumed that it had to be a women, according to the shades that draw the body and the long hair hanging down. It was his luck that the Lord made a comment about the ministers words so that he was turning his attention back to Voldemort before he was asked where Potter would be moved to – otherwise he might have overheard him due to his rising interest on the person. Who was it?

"To a safe house. Mostly like to one of someone of the Order. Looking at the manner of protection, once there it will be impossible to attack him!"

Someone cleared his throat and then Bellatrix started to say something. Severus already knew that she would be offering to do something for the Lord and Severus chuckled inwardly by the thought that Bellatrix would even volunteer to lick the muddy boots of the Lord. Severus tried hard to concentrate on the conversation and to ignore the shadow and the cries from the cellar. The Lord talked about his wand and its impossibility to kill Potter, ultimately taking the wand from Lucius. Severus felt pity for Lucius who looked like a broken man, shivering in fear, not able to speak up in front of the Lord. Voldemort made a small movement with the wand and the figure in the shadow began to move towards the table.

"For those of you who did not notice – we have a guest tonight."

As the light of the candles and the fireplace started to give more visibility to the figure, Severus had a bad feeling in his stomach, not knowing were it was coming from. And then, as the figure was floating over the middle of the table, he felt his heart stop for a second and he had to gather all his will to control himself and not to jump from his chair in surprise and dread.

"I assume some of you already know Miss Rolanda Hooch... she was Hogwarts' flying instructor."

Severus only listened with a half ear, not really registering what Voldemort said, he was just to shocked by the sight that she was offering. He had never seen her looking this beautiful, but also not this suffering and helpless. Her light blonde hair was long now, hanging down in shimmering curls, but blood, coming from a pretty deep wound on her temple, had become encrusted in the strands. Her eyes were half closed as if she wanted to block out her surroundings and her arms were tied up in a painful position behind her back. Specks of blood and dry mud covered her muggle clothing, consisting of a slim jeans and a loose blue and white top with a leather jacket over it. Her feet, from which one was in a slightly awkward position, were covered by some black boots.

"Severus, I think you´ll happen to know her best from us all, am I right?"

Severus saw her eyes fly open as his name was mentioned and she bend her head a little bit more to set her golden eyes on him. He felt a slight shiver going through his body and he was thankful for his good self-control, so that he was able to sound as calm as before as he answered:"Yes, my Lord. May I ask what she is doing here?"

"Of course, Severus. Dolohov!"

"She was part of a team of Order members that seemed to check out possible flying routes for the Potter transport, probably a attempt to give us a false trail. Unfortunately, she was the only one that we were able to get hold of. We believed she could be useful to get some more information!"

"Right, and therefore I thought you would like to do the questioning, Severus. As you know her weaknesses, I consider it to be the most efficient way to get possible news. If she won´t talk, torture her."


	2. Chapter 2

Well, here is the second chapter, a thank you to Sleepisfortheweak16, TheUnnamedAvatar and SlenderPanda for your reviews!

I´ll be in Greece for one week, so you have to wait a little bit for the Third Chapter, but don´t worry, it is already written so it will be posted as soon as I am back :) *imaginary postcard moment*

I hope you enjoy this one, leave me your opinion :)

* * *

Severus could not believe that this was happening.

He felt like somebody had punched him in the face and into the stomach out of nowhere, leaving him shocked and unable to react for some seconds. On the outside he maintained his calm facade, but he felt sick on the inside and he somehow hoped that this was a bad dream, that he would wake up any minute and find himself home, in his bed.

"I understand, my Lord. I will give my best efforts!", Severus said, facing the Dark Lord, who nodded, saying:"I trust you will. You will stay here at the Manor, have a eye on Lucius!"

The Dark Lord left, followed by his snake Nagini and some Death Eaters accompanied him while the others left for their homes shortly after, leaving Severus with the three Malfoys and the still floating Rolanda in Malfoy Manor. Severus took himself a brief moment to look at Draco – he saw fear in Draco´s eyes and also disbelief. It had to be shocking for the boy to see his teacher in such a state, he knew that Draco had liked Rolanda for her fairness and for her efforts during her career as a professional.

"Draco", Severus said, locking his own feelings away once more. "Please take our guest to the cellar while I will prepare for my task!"

Draco shivered slightly as he took his wand out and guided the floating Rolanda away while Severus stood up and left the room, his cloak billowing behind him as always. He could not stand it anymore.

As soon as Severus had closed the bathroom door behind him and had put up a Muffliato spell, his mask fell. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, seeing nothing than fear. His hands were shaking as he splashed some cold water into his face. How was he going to fulfill this task? He knew exactly what the Dark Lord had meant with torture – keeping the victim on the edge to insanity, but leaving it still able to talk, exploring all the remarkably flexible pain boundaries of the human body. Severus knew how this worked, every Death Eater knew – but he could not do it on Rolanda. He simply could not, his whole body contracted by the thought that he would have to use a potion or a curse against her. Harming her, the thought simply sounded false, even sickening. He felt torn between two sides and he knew which one he had to stick to. The decision was between Rolanda and the mission he had been given by Albus. Damn it, there was no other choice then the mission, otherwise the dark days would never find a end! He cursed the old man for choosing him to do all this, for leaving him in this situation, for the decision to hire Rolanda as the flying instructor... and he cursed her for being... her. For enchanting him with her behavior. She had been kind, even when he had met her with his usual cold, grumpy distance and somehow they had become friends and he had told her about Lily. How she had broken his heart and she had told him about her worst moments. They had build up a trusty friendship, she had respected that he needed his room, but she always pushed him to go to Hogsmeade with her or play a round of chess when she felt that he was about to cave himself in his rooms. Her smile was able to sooth him, to calm him down when he was angry... only Lily had been able to do that with him and he sometimes even forgot the pain Lily had caused to his heart when he was with Rolanda because it simply felt right to challenge with her for fun, to talk to her... This showed him that she was someone special, as special as Lily had been to him and now... now he feared that he would loose this new, precious treasure in his life as well. But at least he was in charge of her treatment and as long as nobody would notice, he could prevent her from the worst scenarios.

A hard gasp escaped Rolanda as she was released from the levitation spell and her back hit the cold stone floor. Draco hurried to leave the cellar, avoiding her gaze on his way out. Poor boy, she thought. He had been pulled into this by his family, she was sure that he rather would not choose any side if he had a choice. He was a git sometimes, arrogant and all, but that simply was something that came with Lucius Malfoy being your father.

She shifted in a slightly more comfortable position and pulled her jacket tighter around her body, trying to block out the cold and foremost the splitting headache and the pain in her ankle – she was sure it was broken. She had experienced a rather hard landing as she had been forced to jump off her broom and in the next second she had been hit by a curse, knocking her over and she had received the wound on her head. They had been prepared, had put up spells that prevented her from disapparating and had used their surprise moment to disarm her as well. First bigger Order mission, immediately caught by Death Eaters – nice balance sheet, she thought sarcastically. Hell, she had thought she would be a little bit more useful. She had received a O in Defense Against the Dark Arts in her N.E.W.T.s, she had been educated in dueling by Filius because he had had, in a fatherly former house teacher moment, decided last year that she needed to refresh her skills and had emphasized her improvements in every session – she felt as if she had failed on herself, on the Order and on Filius.

She looked around the empty cellar, the bars on the only exit and felt helpless anger. She had not imagined to be captured and to make it even worse, she was confronted with the man who was the last person she wanted to see.

Severus.

The man who had played a false game with everyone over so many years. The man who had betrayed the people that had trusted him without a twitch, who had been a superb actor.

She had thought that she knew him better then other people. She had considered him as a friend! How easily he had deceived her, how easily one could be mistaken. Rolanda wanted to hate him, she had decided that when her eyes had set on the dead body of Albus Dumbledore. But she had been forced to experience that it was hard to develop hate on a person that she had liked for so many years, she had learned to appreciate his presence... and maybe her feelings had grown into something more unnoticed.

Suddenly the door opened and she turned her head slowly.

When one was thinking about the devil, he would come... it was Severus.

He magically locked the door behind him and waved his wand to enlighten some of the torches on the wall. Rolanda knew that his walls were up as her eyes fell on his expressionless face and immediately she started to build up her own shelter – she could play this game as well! She would not give him the satisfaction of appearing weak or beaten, she would not let herself become a victim, even though she was the one lying on the floor with injuries, lacking her wand, while he was standing over her.

"Well, hello, Severus. How is the salary of your new job? Working times fair and so on?", she asked, trying so sound as calm and casual as possible.


	3. Chapter 3

Now, I am baaack... my gosh, how cold Germany is... :D

I hope you enjoy the chapter, leave me your opinion :)

* * *

In any other situation Severus would have started to smile. Obviously Rolanda had not lost her sarcasm and the ability to control her nerves as good as he was.

"Nice to see you", he said, trying to sound as cold and uninterested as possible. "New haircut, I see."

"Yeah, my hairdresser happened to be a muggle-born so your guys killed her off. Had to try new things", Rolanda said nonchalantly and returned his gaze as he fixed his eyes on her.

"We have talked about new jobs – the Order, huh?", Severus asked and he could not deny that he felt some sort of weird pride about her joining the Order of the Phoenix, standing up to fight against the evil.

"Aah, just some holiday job... sorting files and so on..."

"How fascinating", Severus said, tipping softly against his knuckles with his wand. "You may excuse that we won´t have much more time for small talk, as much as I deplore that. There are things that are more... important."

"I am so disappointed to hear that, I had hoped that we could talk about the fact how easily you can change your loyalties! How did you manage to fool Dumbledore so he would trust you with his life?", she snarled, making the conversation a little bit more aggressive. Severus felt how she hit the soft spot inside of him and worked hard to maintain his façade as he felt the guilt once again crashing in on him. He wished he could have told her the truth as it hurt to see the hate in her eyes, but he had to play his role, he had to go on.

Slowly and controlled he knelt down next to her and pressed the tip of his wand against her chin, glaring dangerously at her.

"From now on, I will ask the questions. But I am in a good mood today, so I will give you one chance: tell me everything you know about the actions the Order is planning and you won´t be harmed. How does that sound?"

He begged Merlin and the whole freakin' universe that she would agree, that he would not be forced to hurt her. But only seconds after he had finished his suggestion she already gave him the answer:"Never. I am no coward. Do whatever you want, Snape."

She spat his name out as if it was a foul piece of food and he stood up, nodding slowly as he once again fought for control over his own body.

"Good. You had the choice", he whispered and Rolanda was surprised as she saw a short expression of pain and sorrow flicker over his face, but as soon as it had appeared it was gone. With a wink of his wand ropes appeared out of nowhere, looping around her ankles and wrists. Rolanda breathed out sharply as the pain in her injured ankle grew due to the pressure.

"Really comfortable, Severus. You´v done that with all the ladies that came across your path? Guess that´s the reason why you are single then."

"I am amused by the fact that you still are in the mood to make these remarks!", Severus chuckled darkly and waved his wand again, this time conjuring a trunk which was filled with countless potion phials. Rolanda held his gaze, answering rebelliously:"When a bunch of crazy people try to hunt you down you need some humour and sarcasm to make it through the day. So, I thought you were going to interrogate me, not play with your chemistry set!"

"Each one of these potions is capable of causing pain or negative emotions like hopelessness. Be sure that this will be a real interrogation, not some nice chat between old colleagues!", Severus said, fighting desperately not to give in to the urge to free her from this situation. Dumbledore had told him that the mission would ask great sacrifices from him, that he needed to stick to his strong will to make everything a success – but Severus doubted that he could go any further without loosing himself. He was afraid of the actions he was about to do and he was happy that he could turn his back to her as he searched through the phials, otherwise Rolanda would have been able to see how his hands were shaking.

Rolanda had a hard time not to show how much fear was reigning inside her mind. She controlled her breathing, even though it was difficult as she was on the edge to be hyperventilating. She had known that Severus had a evil side, there were hardly any people to find how did not knew about his past as a death eater, but she had never thought that she would actually experience these dark features. He had a great knowledge about the dark arts and she was nearly curious about how he would try to get her to talk – not that he would get much useful answers, the Order members that were left hardly told each other about planned missions – they did trust each other, even with Snape´s betrayal in mind, but it was simply safer for everyone to know as less as possible in case of a questioning. Nobody made someone who was to obvious a secret keeper of its house, meeting places were announced a minute before everyone made their ways to the meeting. They were always on a high risk which made everyone extremely suspicious from the first day on – Rolanda had been attacked on the first day, Mad-Eye had stated that it had been somewhat a new record, but one she was not really proud of, but at least Mad-Eye had given her some credit:"Ya showed some skill to get your tiny ass out of there."

She was ripped out of her thoughts as Severus turned around again, his face once again a unreadable mask. He saw how she eyed the phial he was holding, the black potion inside already waiting.

"You ask yourself what this potion will do to you? I spare out the name for you, but I will tell you how it works: It will make you experience your greatest fears in your mind and therefore weaken you."

"Sounds like fun", Rolanda gave him a crooked smile. Severus knelt down, shooting a dark glance at her.

"Believe me, it is not."

His left hand gripped her neck, mercilessly holding her head in its position while he forced the phial to her lips. He said nothing as he made her swallow the potion, the liquid burning in her throat. As the phial was empty to the last drop, he stepped back, putting it back into the trunk.

His heart was beating painfully in his chest as he waited for the potion to do what it was brewed for.

* * *

Tell me what you believe are the greatest fears of Rolanda Hooch? I am curious about your ideas :)


	4. Chapter 4

A big thanks for your suggestions on Rolanda´s fears!

I am so so sorry for letting you wait so long, I was somewhere else with my head and just could not find a way to continue, but now I have and I am trying my best to continue ASAP :)

I hope you all like this chapter :)

* * *

Rolanda´s eyes snapped open as she felt a stabbing pain flashing through her body. She shivered and felt how her body extremities started to shake uncontrollable as pictures started to flood into her mind and she began to see scenes in front of her even with her eyes wide open...

_The Irish National Team was stripped off its World Title because the Official Referee Committee of Quidditch had recognised that she had done some illegal moves during the game – therefore she was removed from the National Hall of Fame – one of her greatest achievements._

_The whole staff turned to her, calling her names and then Albus stepped forward, saying:"You are incompetent and therefore unbearable for a school like Hogwarts! You are fired!"_

"_We never want to see you again! I am so disappointed!", Filius said and Minerva turned to her as well, grinning:"You were such a fool to believe that you were friends with anyone of us! We are happy when you´re gone!"_

_Her friends, her family rejecting her, pushing her away..._

_She was running through a dark forest, every breath was hurting in her chest and fear and adrenaline raced through her veins. She heard them or it close behind her, a foul and hot breath brushing against her neck, fingertips of grabbing hands... hunted._

"_You are a nothing, Rolanda. How ridiculous of you to believe that I could ever return your foolish feelings!", Severus said, grinning evilly at her. "You measly woman, you told me every secret about the order because you thought that I was feeling the same...You did not even see that I only used you in all these years! We were never friends!"_

_Betrayal. So much lies. Being laughed at because of her feelings. Her feelings..._

Rolanda cried out loudly, her nails scratching over the stone floor as her biggest fear was mercilessly brought to her mind – she had always had the fear to be rejected, but it would be far worse to be rejected by someone who she harboured secret feelings for. But this revelation did not hurt as much as she had thought it would – because she had already thought about the possibility that Severus had only acted as if they were friends. To be honest, she had thought about this since he had left Hogwarts after the murder of Dumbledore and she had kind of found her peace with that thought, even though it was hard to accept it.

Severus clenched his fists so tight that his nails were digging into the flesh of his palms while he watched Rolanda tossing around in her tied up position, eyes wide open and filling with tears, but her gaze was unfocused. The feeling of guilt inside him increased even more as he watched her, being so vulnerable and he had caused this with his own hands. And he would have to make it even worse, she would have to bear pain that could kill her or drive her insane because it was more then the average human body was able to withstand.

Once again he cursed his past, he cursed Albus for this goddamn mission and he also cursed Rolanda because she had to take on this damn Gryffindor bravery from Minerva, Poppy and Albus and add it to her brilliant Ravenclaw mind, making her join the Order to probably give her life for nothing. At least it was more honourable then being a death eater, it was the right side she had chosen – but were had this decision directed her?! Right into the claws of the evil, right into one of the centres of the danger. He was sure that she would, as soon as she would regain full consciousness, ask herself if the pain, the tears and the horrors were all worth it, like he had done so many times before.

Rolanda asked herself how much longer the potion would last as the pictures suddenly stopped being forced to her inner eye and her tensed muscles loosened, burning as if she had run a marathon. She could not control the shaking of her body and she could not stand feeling so helpless, so vulnerable. Surely Severus would be feeling triumphant right now and she closed her eyes, not willing to see him bathing in it.


	5. Chapter 5

I am so so sorry for having such big time periods between the updates, that was definitely not how I planned it! I already planned through the next chapters so I can work along a certain line and hopefully, updates will be quicker then!

I hope some of you are still there to read, let me now if you liked the chapter :)

* * *

A few minutes passed in which Severus still watched Rolanda, her breath heavy and shaky from the aftermath of the potion, her body trembling slightly. Small sobs escaped her lips which she pressed together tightly to avoid just this and tears ran down her cheeks and he could feel something in his chest tightening at this sight, just as his own eyes were starting to burn. He bit his tongue to hold the cry of guilt inside as the feeling was rushing through his body in shock waves, making it impossible for him to feel anything else so he didn´t even register the salty tears that he wiped off his face in a automatic movement. It was as if they shared the pain – her pain hurt him as much as it hurt her and within the next second he decided that he would never be able to do that to her again.

While watching her suffer he had tried to convince himself that it was the potion that was hurting her and that it was necessary to do this, for the sake of the mission Dumbledore had assigned him. But he had not believed in his own simple lie.

Severus pulled his wand out of the pocket of his robes as he slowly approached her, removing the ropes that had been wrapped around her legs, then loosening the ones around her wrists.

Rolanda eyed him through her half-closed lids, suspicious and curious at once about his next step. She expected even more pain and torture, therefore she stared at him with a openly shocked expression on her face as he knelt down next to her and carefully shoved some strands of her blonde hair out of her face, his eyes and lineaments less stern, nearly open for his conditions.

"I am sorry," Severus whispered, his barely audible voice sounding expressionless - a great contrast to his dark eyes – if it had not been for the short flash of sorrow and regret, Rolanda would not have believed that he meant it, but he obviously did.

Rolanda gulped, looking back at him while she searched for a good reply to this, but she could not come up with one. Instead, she found a question, one that had been bothering her for months:"Why, Severus?"

Severus conjured a bottle of water, a few bandages and a few small vials with medical potions, calmly and carefully starting to treat the wound on her temple, taking his time to answer.

"It is a long and complicated story," he said after some moments that had passed by in silence, seemingly unimpressed as Rolanda glared at him immediately.

"Isn't it always "long, complicated and utterly twisted"?! If you haven't noticed – I won't go anywhere so soon, I have a lot of time to listen to your story," she answered, twitching slightly as he put a few drips of antiseptic potion on her temple.

"Curiosity is a bad habit of yours, even now. I am impressed."

His tone was dry and Rolanda gave him a crooked grin as she saw the muscles in the corners of his mouth twitch, indicating that he was tempted to smile.

"Oh, shut up, your compliments are sweeping me off my feet. Oh, I am already on the floor. Just talk to me."

Severus' mind was racing.

How he longed to lighten the weight that lasted on his soul. Telling Rolanda everything seemed so tempting, he could share his burden and finally someone would see who his loyalties truly belonged to, this distrust she carried would disappear.

But he knew that he could not do that, for his own sake, for hers and foremost, for the sake of the mission.

Severus took the bottle of water, opened it and supported her head to help her to take a few sips. Her questioning glance seemed to burn him and she did not look satisfied as he answered stiffly:"I am loyal."

"Well, to which side is the big question," Rolanda mumbled, turning her head away from him. It was obvious that he did not trust her and this was giving her the impression that he had indeed turned against them, back to the dark side.

How was she supposed to trust him right now? Her life was lying in his hands, he could let them kill her or spare her life just at his will and this was making her feel more than uncomfortable. She hated to loose control and right now, her hands were tied, in more than one way, there was nothing she could do about her situation and Severus being unpredictable, not trustworthy, made it even worse. All she could do was wait for his next move.


	6. Chapter 6

Oh guys, I nearly fell off my chair when I saw for how long I did not update this! I am so so sorry! I will try to make more updates, or better: Try to shorten the time between the new chapters and I hope that some of you are still around to read!

I hope you enjoy this chapter!

* * *

For the rest of the day, Rolanda and Severus did not talk one word with each other and Rolanda felt relieved as he finally left her alone.

It turned out to be a hard night for her – the cold stone floor had its share on that, but the main cause of her insomnia was her racing mind.

She could not stop her thoughts from wandering over to her current situation. It was definitely hopeless – with her hands tied, lacking her wand and with that ankle that was painfully swollen now her chances for a successful escape were down to zero.

A trustful or optimistic person would have surely been seeking comfort from Severus' sudden friendly treatment, but Rolanda was not much of an optimist any more.

The war had changed her, just like it had changed many people and she had learned to be extremely suspicious, therefore she knew better – she expected the unexpected and Severus was a great subject for this.

She did not trust him at all and she thought that he had never been trustworthy at any time – Dumbledore had definitely made a huge mistake in doing so and she knew better than to do the same.

But even if she did not trust him at the moment, she would try to find out a bit more about his current attitude, trying to evaluate if she was still in the risk of being tortured again.

The next morning Rolanda was surprised to find out that Severus still behaved rather friendly – she had expected him to suddenly turn against her.

He brought her some water and dry bread with a bit of butter on it and after mustering him and the food, suspecting poison in it, Rolanda's growling stomach won and she hurried to eat the bread to ease her hunger.

"Don't choke yourself. There surely are better and more comfortable or quicker ways to die in this place," Severus said as he watched her gulp the food down hastily and once again, he nearly sounded like he had back then, in their days at Hogwarts.

"Would be one problem less for you, I guess," Rolanda answered dryly and drank some water, never turning her gaze away from him.

"Unfortunately, you would be wrong – how should I explain the Dark Lord that the person who could provide us important informations about the Order of the Phoenix died through a piece of bread right in front of my eyes?"

Rolanda released a flat laugh and then gave him a challenging look.

"Now tell me, Severus, what am I supposed to know about this important informations about the Order?"

His only reaction was the rise of his eyebrow, but Rolanda knew him well enough to tell that he was trying to find out if she was only bluffing or if she truly had nothing useful to tell.

"You must think very lowly of my intelligence if you seriously believe that I would buy the fairytale of you having no informations or whatsoever about the missions the Order is planning," he hissed, coming closer and Rolanda automatically skittered backwards as best as she could, cursing herself for showing weakness.

"Well, I feel like you did not need any help in the past. And you must think very lowly of my loyalty and endurance if you think I would tell you anything," Rolanda answered after collecting herself and they started to stare at each other, none of them willing to give in.

"Where do you hide the Muggle-borns the Ministry is searching for?!"

"We are not hiding anyone."

"What is your new meeting place?!"

"Meeting place? I haven't seen anybody of the Order for months," Rolanda answered calmly, still answering his iron glare.

"Don't you dare to lie to me!" Severus spit out, inwardly hoping that she would give him at least something – she may not know that, but he tried to protect her! If he could get some informations, they would be pleased for the moment and she would be safe...

But he knew Rolanda – she was loyal to the end and even though he did not like it, she would rather die than to reveal her friends position to Lord Voldemorts followers.

"It seems like you will have to torture me again, Severus," she whispered, her voice nearly sounding as soft as a pillow and as sweet as honey and a triumphant smirk spread over her face as she saw Severus' jawbone twitch slightly.

She had found his weak point and even though she was not safe and he was still not trustworthy yet, she knew that he would not be able to torture her any more – and this gave her a little bit of hope.

Many days passed and somehow, Rolanda had lost count of the time she had spent in the cold cellars of the Malfoy Manor. Her days had a certain routine due to Severus' visits, starting with him bringing her some breakfast and watching her while she ate. The more amount of time passed in the darkness of her prison, the harder she found it to force the dry bread down her throat, even though her stomach was hurting like hell from being empty most of the day.

By now she was sure that keeping her low on food and water, so that her mouth and throat seemed so dry for most of the day as if she had swallowed sand, had the purpose of increasing her vulnerability.

In fact, she found it harder to keep herself concentrated and awake, to be able to watch out for what she said, especially in the interrogations with Severus that usually followed right after she had finished chewing unpassionately on her bread.

While her morale was being pressed down by the lack of some nice food, a cool goblet of pumpkin juice and, above all, sunlight, she found it strangely encouraging that Severus acted a bit as if he did not expect to get much informations out of her.

Rolanda knew that she should have been highly suspicious about his behaviour, especially about the fact that he had not tortured her again, had not even threatened her to do so and that his questions were the same over and over again, every day.

But somehow, this gave her some kind of odd security. She knew that this could be highly dangerous, but it gave her a good feeling that she could at least be sure that for now, there was no more pain to expect.

And so, the days mostly contained Severus sitting on a chair in front of her, looking down at her with the always same expression, repeating his questions, never seeming to get tired of it at all, even though it was hard to tell for her what he felt about this situation as he did not show any signs of emotion. All she saw was the mask she was used from Severus, a mask that had always concealed him and had seperated him from the other teachers.

On these days, she would look back at him for hours, ignoring his questions about the Order, blocking his voice out of her head to have it clear for other things. And while her golden eyes wandered over the pale skin of his face or stared back into the black depths of his eyes, she asked herself how she could have been so wrong about him and if she had ever truly known the real Severus Snape.

Severus, on the other hand, used this time in which he repeated himself again and again as if he was a machine, to dwell in his thoughts. Even though he did not show the slightest hint to Rolanda of course, he was deeply concerned about her safety.

For now, he had her fairly safe, but he knew that sooner or later someone in the Dark Lords ranks would get suspicions about the lack of informations he was providing to them. They would start asking uncomfortable questions and he knew that he was risking a lot, not only for Rolanda, but of course also for himself and the mission he had been assigned by Dumbledore. He should not be risking his cover this offensively, but his reasonable inner voice was ever so often drowned by another voice telling him that he had to save Rolanda and that he could never forgive himself if he did not everything in his powers to keep her away from as much harm as possible.

Little did he know that he would have to deal with these complications he had feared sooner than he had thought...

Only two days later he was sitting in the cellar once again, droning his usual questions as he heard steps on the stone stairs that led down to the underground rooms. He acted as quickly as he could, grabbing Rolanda by the neck and pressing her down on the cold floor just in time before somebody entered.

"Speak, damn it! Or there will be only more pain, you stubborn woman!", Severus growled and then turned to glare at the man who was standing by the door. "What?!"

"There is somebody waiting for you upstairs, Snape."

"I am in an interrogation, don't you see that?!"

"She says that it is an urgent matter and I have been ordered to tell you that this has priority over anything you are doing at the moment. I personally would like to add that it would not be wise to let Bellatrix wait."


	7. Chapter 7

So, here is the next chapter! I have a huge part prewritten for the next chapter, so I hope I will be able to update soon!

I hope you guys all like it, please leave me your reviews, I always love to get them :)

And a special thanks to SlenderPanda and TheUnnamedAvatar for your continued support!

* * *

It was as if time had stopped for a short moment.

Severus could hear and feel his heart beat painfully in his chest and his throat dried up.

Taking a few surpressed, but still deep breaths he fought the slight shake that wanted to take over his body and managed to rip himself from the moment of shocked surprise.

With one last look into Rolandas eyes, he let go of her so that her back hit the floor with a soft thud and he straightened himself.

„I am coming."

Rolanda followed Severus with her gaze as he walked towards the exit of the cellar and as he turned for a brief moment before leaving, she was sure that she could see smallest hint of panic flicker over his face before it was in its usual sneer again.

Severus slowly made his way upstairs, crossed the long main hallway and entered the Malfoy's luxurious and elegant sitting room.

The distance between cellar and sitting room was not particularly far, but still his heart was pumping by now as if he had just run a marathon and he could hear his blood rush in his ears.

He knew these signs of nervousness all too well, as he had had to fight and conceal them countless times in his life before and as he had been successful with that before, he did not doubt he would be able to do succeed today too – even though it felt like the tension in his chest might make him explode.

Bellatrix was seated on a lovely green leather couch, her lazy posture and her somehow disarranged clothing and wild hair forming an odd contrast to the neat tidiness and pure class of the whole room with its high windows to the garden, the small, polished mahagony tables with candles, ancient books and a set of a vine decanter and glasses made of the finest crystal on it, everything gleaming to show off the wealthiness of the owners of this place.

„Hello Bellatrix", Severus greeted her, a casual expression on his face. „What do I owe this immense pleasure? And please spare me with useless smalltalk, I have some business to do, as you know."

She stopped picking at her incredibly long nails that looked a bit like claws and looked up, smiling at him, a cruel smile full of an awful and odd happiness that always made her look a little bit more insane, and said softly:"As you wish, Snape. Actually, your business is the reason why I am here. The Dark Lord has send me to assist you with the interrogation."

It became hard for him to breathe calmly and he actually had to hide one of his hands behind his leg to prevent that Bellatrix could possibly see it twitch for a short moment.

Her voice, dripping from anticipation at the thought of torturing someone, of causing unbearable pain to not only the body, but also to the soul, made his stomach clench slightly and he had to gulp before being able to react the way he had to.

„Assist?", Severus asked, rising one eyebrow, acting as if he was merely curious while he truly was in a state of shocked surprise. „I believed that he trusted me to fulfill this task with my capacities."

She smiled even wider, though she did not fail to express her loathing towards him as she responded:"Oh, incomprehensibly he still does. But I myself have expressed my concerns to him... and even though he reassured me that you were capable of getting the information from that woman, he agreed with me about you needing a little bit too much time to achieve the results we are waiting for. And as I feel like time could be an important factor, I asked him to permit me to give you a little assistance."

Of course it had been clear to him from her very first sentence what „assistance" meant, she was Bellatrix Lestrange and her past had never left any possibilities to doubt that she was always going to cause the most horrible pains to the people she called her victims. The Longbottoms were only the most striking example for her cruelty that was deeply anchored in her character and Severus knew that all these years in Azkaban had not really smoothened this trait of hers.

Therefore it did not surprise him at all that his own first concrete thought was that she would kill Rolanda.

And for a short moment, his mind was flooded by an illogical wave of thoughts and considerations, and he lost control.

He would loose her, he would loose her like he had lost Lily.

Once again, he would fail to protect a person he... he loved.

And even though Lily was still in his mind, his first thought was to beg for Rolanda's life to be spared, to repeat his faults again.

This time, it was even more in his powers to keep someone who was important to him safe, at least he had started to believe in that over the last few days, but now he realised that he had fallen for an illusion.

He could not save her.

It became more clear to him than ever before that his personal feelings had no place in the plan Dumbledore had. That it did not matter who died if in the end, Harry Potter would be able to succeed.

Rolandas life did not matter to the plan, and Severus had sworn to Dumbledore that the plan was going to be his only ambition after the night the Headmaster was going to be killed.

If he asked for anything that would help Rolanda, he would endanger the whole plan, he could possibly be taking away every chance to realise a positive outcome of this war for the opposition against Voldemort.

Any other person would have had denied that there was no way past abandoning a friend in this moment just for the sake of a plan, but to Severus, this was a luxury he could not afford. The thought that he had gotten way to used to things like that left a bitter feeling inside of him, and his little grudge on Dumbledores ruthlessness about the smaller components of things while preaching about the importance of details was fed by his concern about Rolanda.

Surely it was not in Dumbledores powers to foresee something like this, a situation in which a person who was not important to the plan, but important to Severus, even though he did not openly admit that to anyone, unexpectedly appeared on the scene and questioned how far he could go to fulfill his tasks.

But still Severus felt like it was the old mans fault that there was no room for air, for a little act of hidden mercy in these times.

Severus looked at Bellatrix and nodded curtly while stepping aside, gesturing towards the door.  
„Do what you have to do, Bellatrix. I suppose you know the way to the cellar?"

And as Bellatrix' grin seemed to literally blast her face apart, he walked over to a comfortable armchair, made of the same green leather as the couch Bellatrix was seated on. With a flick of his wand, he summoned himself a book and sat down, his eyes following the black-clothed witch as she strut out of the room.

Only a second later, the door banged shut behind her and it was as if its vibrations had caused the wave of pure, burning guilt that broke down over him, together with the knowledge that he had just left Rolanda in the hands of Bellatrix, alone, unprotected, helpless.


	8. Chapter 8

Warning: Implied Torture! It is not that much, nothing explicit, but I thought I should at least mention it before the chapter begins...

So, here is the next chapter, I hope you all like it, please leave me your opinion :)

* * *

Bellatrix' steps echoed in the hallway as her heels hit the polished wood floor regularly, in a relatively slow pace, and it seemed like she wanted to tease Severus with it.

It was as if she had been able to sense how uncomfortable he felt by the thought of leaving Rolanda in her hands, even though he was sure that she had not the ability to see past his well built protections and masks, if the Dark Lord could not, being one of the most skilled Legilimens, she most certainly could not too.

But still it was as if she let her steps linger on purpose, to show him that she alone had the power in this very situation, that only she was deciding what was happening and that he could not do anything about it without risking to expose his true loyalties.

Severus tried to concentrate onto the first sentences of his book, but within seconds he found himself staring blankly at the black ink forming words on the parchment that he did not seem to recognise.

What was he going to do?!

He could not be sitting here, waiting what was going to happen next without moving a finger, without reacting. It was clear, from a logical view, that doing nothing was the best for Dumbledores cursed, almighty plan, that he should say here in the sitting room until Bellatrix' investigation was over, but Severus could not shut his feelings out.

Feelings – his feelings, so well-hidden from the world, which Dumbledore had called his best quality, hoping that one day Severus would let everybody see that he was not as cold and heartless as he made them believe.

This love that had made him agree to everything that had happened in the last seventeen years in first place.

How ironic, he thought, that his feelings were getting in his way again.

It seemed impossible to shut up the voice that was screaming in his head, echoing from his heart into his mind, demanding him to get to his feet and do something.

The hand holding the book quivered slightly and he placed it onto the next available desk, trying to sort through the chaos of thoughts in his head, desperately searching for a solution in this complicated situation.

Without a glimpse of a idea he jumped out of his seat and listened how the sound of Bellatrix' heels changed – she obviously had reached the stone stairs that lead down to the cellars and without thinking about it further, he moved towards the door and opened it.

Slipping into the hallway he tried to get his heartbeat under control – he felt like everybody close by would be able to hear the hard pumping from his chest.

Moving cautiosly and nearly soundless, he hurried to get to the cellar stairs and stepped down, holding his breath as he reached the bottom.

Severus melted into the shadows that were willing to hide his dark figure as he pressed his back against the wall next to the door leading into the room that was Rolanda's cell.

It was not easy to find a position in which he found it a relatively safe matter to peer into the room, but somehow he managed it and saw how Bellatrix approached Rolanda who was still lying on the cold stone floor.

The younger woman was shivering slightly, but was not showing any sign of fear on her face that was touched by the dim light of the few candles in the room. Bellatrix took some time to look over the slim body of the witch by her feet, showing a derogatory attitude towards the former flying instructor as she walked around her in a slow pace, like a shark circling a seal before the attack.

"You thought that your beauty would save you from the worst torture, hah?!", Bellatrix laughed, making the ropes that were slung around Rolandas wrists and ankles even tighter by a short wand pointing. "Answer."

"I don't know what you are talking about," Rolanda breathed, her voice sounding more secure than Severus would have expected it in this situation. He was impressed by the bravery she had already shown and still there was more to come from her, he expected. It had always been clear to him that she was, despite choosing a job that had not that much to do with performing magic, a skilled witch, having been a Ravenclaw and all. In the past days he had been able to see how she was able to shield herself from harm, to control her own fear and he realised that sometimes, extreme situations were needed to show how much a person was truly capable of – surely, she had been underestimated before.

"Seems like you were able to tempt our old Severus with your charm so he would not treat you that hard. But I think he has been way to compliant with you! So I thought we two girls could... meet for a little talk!"

"You are ridiculous. I am not that desperate to escape pain", Rolanda whispered, blinking hard as Bellatrix spat onto the stone floor next to her in disgust. "And I don't think we share the same style, Black. I am not the gothic type."

Severus felt his chest getting tighter and even though he felt like he was running out of oxygen, he did not dare to take deeper breaths out of fear of being caught.

He felt like Rolanda was being a bit reckless in talking with Bellatrix the way she had talked to him, it was as if she did not care that this woman had spent over a decade in Azkaban for committing some of the worst crimes one could imagine. Wasn't she at least a bit afraid about the torture that was about to come? Severus himself could not stop thinking about Alice and Frank Longbottom and their horrible fate.

But Rolanda did not show any sign of fear – in contrary, her face seemed perfectly calm, her golden eyes observing every of Bellatrix' moves, as if she herself was the shark and not the seal about to be ripped apart. His mouth got dry as Bellatrix grinned even more, pointing her wand at Rolanda and whispered:"I will drive your little cocky words out of you, don't worry. Let's see how you talk with me afterwards, if you are still able to do so, my dear."

Bellatrix laughed, sounding cruel and mercyless and excited as always before she stopped and said, nearly with relish:"Crucio!"

Severus had to cover his mouth with his own hand to prevent himself from releasing a sound as the curse hit Rolanda, making her scream in pain.

He saw how her fragile looking body twisted, tossed on the floor as Bellatrix repeated the curse over and over and her screams and cries were mixed with the laughs of the witch standing over her body, torturing her with joy, bathing in the pain she was causing her victim.

Severus felt as if he was going to through up and within seconds he could not bear to hear and see how Rolanda was treated anymore, how Bellatrix ordered the young woman to beg her to stop and how Rolanda disobeyed, getting another curse for every time she kept her mouth shut or stared at the witch standing over her, a rebellious look on her face, answering with a "No" through gritted teeth.

It was as if she did not care that she was only making it worse, that not giving in did provoke Bellatrix even more and only animated her to cause even worse pain.

Severus nearly stumbled over his own feet as he walked, nearly ran out of the dungeons of Malfoy Manor he could hear how her screams grew louder and more high-pitched, the sounds swallowing his hurried steps on the stone and he felt his stomach clench just like his fists that he tried to stop from shaking.

He was breathless as he reached the sitting room and threw himself into the armchair he had occupied minutes before.

It took him all his self-control to surpress the scream of frustration that was building in his throat and he closed his eyes, trying to shut the muffled screams from downstairs out of his head, trying not to think about what was happening down there, trying not to imagine the state he would find Rolanda in when Bellatrix was finished with the younger witch.


	9. Chapter 9

…. oookay, I kinda got carried away... except for the beginning and the end, I just let everything flow out, I hope its not so much rambling as I fear ^^

I hope you like it, leave me your opinion!

* * *

Severus felt the guilt flood his guts, burning like he had swallowed some acid potion and he had not been able to do anything than standing up again and pace around the sitting room until the screaming had stopped – it felt like a unbearable eternity.

What had he done?

This was all his fault, every single second of her pain was his fault, every scar that she would receive by Bellatrix' hand.

There was no one else to blame for this than himself, he could have, no, he should have done more than letting here stay in the cellar unharmed while he pretended to question her the whole day...

Looking back, he had been such a damn fool, and he snorted about how dumb he had been.

Why had he not thought about this when he had had the chance to prevent situations like that?

He was good at playing tactical, he should have expected that somebody would start to be suspicious if he did not provide any informations at all!

It just did not seem likely for a skilled Legilimens and Potions Master like him to not get anything out of somebody during a interrogation and Rolanda was surely considered a soft target by them, easy to break.

Some false informations given to Lord Voldemort while pretending that she had given them to him while being questioned would have ensured her safety without any risks for him – it would not have been his fault that Rolanda was lying.

He could have been able to cover a bit more successful that Rolanda received indirect help from him by being spared a real interrogation.

Severus wished he could punish himself, even though there was no point in hurting himself. The damage was done, no matter how much he wished he could turn back time.

All he could do now was calming himself down and hope.

Hope was everything he had left now.

Maybe there would be a way to repay his debt, to show himself and Rolanda that he could do something to change this situation to the better, even after this heavy blow.

_If she is still alive in a few minutes_, a small voice whispered in the back of his head, making a horrible shiver run down his spine.

_She will be_, he answered himself inwardly, more defiant than confident.

He wished for her to stay alive with every fibre of his being because he was sure that he would not be able to take it if she died.

Having experienced a similar kind of guilt before, after Lily had died, he was sure that he would be able to cope with it again, because this time, it would be even worse.

It would be even more his fault.

Rolanda's life had practically been in his hands since the moment in which Voldemort had assigned him the task of questioning her on his own.

He had failed her.

Maybe it had been a false sense of security that had tempted him to do nothing, he had believed that Rolanda was so unimportant that the Dark Lord would not care much about any informations about her.

How foolish, she had joined the Order, a known connection to Harry Potter, Severus should have thought about the possibility that Voldemort believed that Rolanda knew something about the boy that could help them.

Cursing inwardly about himself, he tried to move his focus away from the burning guilt inside of him, towards the things he could do for his former colleague now that the damage was done, but still a horrid picture of a dying Rolanda sneaked into his head.

He could still remember the first day they had met, back when she had started working at Hogwarts – she had been two years behind him at school, therefore he had never noticed her if their ways had crossed in the castle.

Back then, he had not believed that she was the brightest lamp in the store, athletes were, in his opinion, so devoted to their sport because their brain did not prove to be capable of any hard work.

But it had been only a week into the school year until she had proven him wrong, slightly exposing him to the mockery of the entire staff by playing with his self-consciousness. Since then, he had never gotten into a bet about anything scholastic with her again.

And over the time, it had also shown that she was quite as capable of challenging him verbally as Minerva or Dumbledore, that she was not impressed by him and his behaviours at all – and even less afraid to tell him so. He was just happy that she had not called him her "glittery fairy princess of my heart" in the middle of a corridor for everybody to hear. Before inventing this nickname for him she had made it clear to him that she believed that he was actually a soft man on his inside who just wanted to be cuddled.

Somehow, life at Hogwarts had seemed to be a little brighter and easier when she was around, and he had always tried to deny, when teased by Albus, that he actually enjoyed the banter Rolanda involved him and that the weight of the package he carried from the past seemed a bit lighter sometimes.

Even to see her smile or laugh from afar stopped him from mulling in his thoughts and the pain of a never fulfilled, endless love seemed a bit less horrible when her golden eyes looked directly at him. For a long time he had longed for something to ease his suffering about missing Lily, about having to see her son every day, the prove that she had loved somebody else, and Rolanda seemed to be that cure.

The thought of loosing that light feeling of temporarily freedom seemed impossible to him, he just could not imagine a world without her smile, her teasing remarks, their playful fights... It was as if she had given him a side of him back that he had believed to have died with Lily in that fateful night. She had given him something new to hold on to without knowing it. When Lily had died he had forbidden himself any kind of happiness, swearing to devote his life to repayment, and he had somehow forgotten to live a life for himself.

Rolanda making him grin inwardly, looking forward to the next banter or tease, to the next Quidditch game after which he would, if Slytherin lost, get on her nerves about her refereeing skills on purpose, because he enjoyed their little fights and the smiles she gave him.

She had shown him that it was okay to enjoy something, even when one had a huge amount of guilt and sadness inside himself.

And what he liked even more about her was the fact that she suspected that he was more than his unfavourable outside and did not give up to dig for the treasures hidden inside. Rolanda had never stopped believing that there was something better behind his cold facade, not even when he had seriously insulted her when she had gotten too close to cracking open his safety walls too much. Never had she been trying to hide that she saw him as a friend, in front of nobody – for her, he had not been somebody to hide from her other friends.

He had not felt valued in this way since Lily had ended their friendship.

No, he could not loose that again, he just could not. If he helped saving a wizarding world in which she would not be able to wait for him, what sense would that have at all? A selfish thought, but even Severus Snape, who had given up so much of himself in the last seventeen years, allowed himself such things, if only in his head.

Suddenly, Severus was ripped from his thoughts.

Something had changed.

At first, he could not identify it, but then it dawned to him.

Death silence was filling the Manor where minutes before had been loud screams of unbelievable agony.

The fear that he would find Rolanda in the cellar, tortured to insanity or worse, death, was pounding through his veins and he had to bring his shaking body under control before he left the sitting room, not able to stay there for another second.

Even though he wished he could stop time so he would never have to find out the state in which she was, his fear convinced him that it was better to find it out now than to wait.

Bellatrix passed him in the hall, wearing travel robes and grinning at him with a satisfied expression, breathing playfully "She´s all yours again!" into his ear and giggled, then she left and Severus was alone in the Manor. He sped his own steps as he climbed down the stairs to the cellar, breathing heavily as he pointed his wand at the magic locks at the entrance to open them, his wand hand unsteady.


	10. Chapter 10

Here is the next chapter! And thank your for the reviews, guys :)

I hope you all like it, leave me your opinion :)

* * *

The torches in the cellar were not lit anymore and therefore, he could see nothing but darkness in front of him as he entered.

Silence was filling the air around him and it scared him that he could not hear anything that could have indicated if Rolanda was conscious or... or even alive.

Severus moved his wand, magically lighting the torches and he had to blink for a short moment to help his eyes get used to the sudden light caused by the flames.

His heart was racing in his chest, painfully beating against his ribcage as if it wanted to blast it apart.

Then, he finally saw a figure lying on the floor, Rolanda, having her back to him.

Being surprised that his feet were still obeying him, Severus slowly walked towards her, trying not to think about the possibility that, if he knelt down next to her and put his fingers onto her wrist, he would not feel a pulse.

As he did so, his hands were shaking so much that at first, he could really not feel anything, but instead of panicking, he took a few deep breaths to calm himself down again – there was no point in loosing his mind now.

And then, as his heartbeat slowed down, he could feel the slight pulsing of blood in the vein under his fingertips. It was very weak, so weak he would not have registered it if he would have had his racing heart in mind, but now he could tell it was there. Barely, but there.

She was alive.

He was so relieved that he could not surpress a loud sigh and he actually burried his face in his hands for a moment. It was as if a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders, all his concerns about loosing Rolanda were wiped away for now. Of course, they were not disappearing, Rolanda was still in the Manor, obviously. But he allowed himself to shove the thought of the mortal peril she was still in to the back of his mind, if only just for a short time.

Carefully, as if he could break her by gripping too hard, he touched Rolandas shoulder and turned her onto her back.

Her eyes were closed, but at his touch she opened them to briefly look at him. There was a emptiness in her gaze that scared him and left hints about the horror and the pain she had experienced today. Immediately, he felt incredibly guilty again.

Even though he knew that the Cruciatus curse did not leave any visible marks behind, he examined her body, searching for any wounds to treat – he knew Bellatrix also liked to play with her knife.

Parts of Rolandas clothing were torn and ripped, and not everything seemed to have happened while she had turned and tossed in agony.

Giving his best to not hurt her further, he took a closer look.

Severus felt his heart stop painfully for a brief second as he saw the bloody cuts in Rolandas pale skin, forming two words on each one of her forearms, deeply marking her and her skin.

She whimpered in pain as he washed the blood away to read the words and he felt anger boil up inside of him as he saw the cuts forming _Blood Traitor _on the soft skin.

He tried to heal the cuts with a spell, but nothing happened and he had to tell himself not to panic as he saw that she was also bleeding heavily from her thigh.

As her jeans were already cut open too, he just ripped the material apart, summoned some healing potions and bandages and wiped the blood away with a piece of fabric. The cuts were even deeper here and he felt the urge to kill Bellatrix for the pain she had caused, for these cuts and for the words her knife had left on Rolanda´s thigh: _Whore._

He gulped hard and looked up into her face. She had closed her eyes, tears rolled down her dirty face and pain mixed up with shame.

For a short moment he wondered if Bellatrix had carved the second word into Rolandas skin out of pure arbitrariness, but then he remembered what Bellatrix had said before she had started to torture Rolanda. His stomach nearly turned as he thought about it – of course Bellatrix would ask herself how Rolanda was able to escape the real torture. Severus was normally someone to obey Voldemorts orders and he knew how to properly torture someone to collect information from them. Of course it was an obvious thought for a suspicious mind that Rolanda could have been able to use her own body to persuade Severus into sparing her from the worst pain.

Once again, Severus cursed his own foolishness. How could he have forgotten about those crucial things?! It was his job to think like the Death Eaters, to foresee their actions and suspicions to ensure that his own mission were not endangered.

He felt like he had failed his own skills as a double agent.

Dumbledore had once said to him that even the brightest and most skilled people were going wrong sometimes, but this did not felt like it could give him solace.

There was no way he could erase his guilt because Rolanda, or at least the scars that would remain on her skin, would always remember him of his arrogance.

Yes, he himself called it arrogance that he had believed that nothing would happen, maybe he just had felt too sure about his influence in Voldemorts circle of followers.

And now Rolanda had paid the price for it.

This was a debt he would never be able to pay back to her. He had played with her life, he had been thoughtless, he had not used his smart head at all.

All he could do now was trying to start to pick up the shards and try to prevent that more damage could be done.

He realised that he had to get her out of this place, there was no other solution. If she stayed here, she would die, maybe not today or tomorrow, but sooner or later, she would.

It was his duty to safe her now, that was the least he could do after all the damage he had caused.

But firsteval, there was something more important than to think about a plan to get Rolanda out of the Malfoy Manor.

Rolanda did not make any sounds throughout his whole examination and treatment of her wounds, but as he wrapped a fresh bandage around her thigh, she released a surpressed whimper and tears sprang from her eyes, trickling down her cheeks as she sobbed weakly and Severus felt as if his heart was ripped apart by the words she whispered as he knelt down next to her head:"Please... kill me..."

Her golden eyes looked up at him, he could feel her begging him with all that was left of her. It was as if her soul, her whole being, had been ripped to small pieces that were barely held together. Where was the young, happy, light-spirited woman he knew? Had Bellatrix' torture destroyed her?

Her beg scared him, it showed him that she had experienced so much pain that she wanted to give up on her life.

She was barely conscious now, obviously drifting away into the comforting depths of darkness that had been denied to her during her interrogation.

"Please, Severus...," she mumbled, her voice nearly unaudible now, her gaze being even more pleading than it had been a moment ago, before her lids fell shut.

Severus did not know what drove him to his next action, but nonetheless he cupped her beautiful face, carefully, gently, all to aware of the agony in her expression and then he let his lips brush softly over hers, just for a short moment, before he answered:"Trust me."


	11. Chapter 11

So, here is another chapter – just filling some space here! I hope you like it nonetheless and I am looking forward to your reviews!

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In this night, Severus was not able to find sleep.

He was lying awake in his bed, and even though he felt both physically and emotionally exhausted from taking care of Rolandas wounds the whole day, he could not come to rest properly.

It had been impossible to heal the deep cuts by magic without causing her more pain that was so agonizing that she had fallen unconscious again, so he had been forced to give up on that. Whatever Bellatrix had done while cutting her, performing some complicated charm or using a rare kind of poison, he was not able to take its effects away.

At least he had stopped the wounds from bleeding.

His unsuccessful attempts to help her with her injuries had not exactly improved the burning feeling his guilt caused in his stomach and by the time evening arrived, he felt sick.

He had thought about it before, but in his mind he was just going over and over how he blamed himself for the torture and how is actions had made Bellatrix believe that Rolanda was sleeping with him to protect herself.

Severus could only imagine how dirty Rolanda had to be feeling now, how Bellatrix had obviously taken her dignity and ripped it apart.

All he wanted was to keep her safe, he was horribly worried about Rolanda's well-being and he knew that it would be a little bit of repayment for his debt, but still he saw the problems.

Smuggling Rolanda out of the Manor would mean trouble, regardless how good he planned her escape. And therefore, it would conflict with his duty to fulfill Dumbledores wishes.

Damn, how he hated this.

He was sure that he would not be able to decide... but on the first look, it was clear that he would have to choose between Rolanda's well-being and the success of the plan.

It did not seem like he could be able to succeed in both things alike.

Turning around yet again, he stared at the thin streak of silvery moonlight that was breaking through a small gap of the heavy curtains at the window.

Even if he decided to get Rolanda out of the Manor, it seemed like an impossible task to fulfill. There were so many opportunities on which he could easily fail if he was not cautios enough. He had been foolish enough throughout the last days, forgetting about the easiest ways to prevent any damage, it would be a hard piece of work to figure out as many possible ways the events could go as he could imagine.

Literally every step done for the sake of rescuing Rolanda from the hands of the Death Eaters from within could be his last one – and of course, hers.

He was sure that Bellatrix was spreading the seed of distrust towards his person with her usual dedication – not that there were much people within the Dark Lord's ranks that were not at least a little bit suspicious about how he had behaved after their master's disappearance. And of course, about his delayed reapparance at Lord Voldemort's side after he had regained his body.

It was a bit to his benefit that all of them, except for Bellatrix of course, did not dare to say anything negative about him openly, at least not in front of their master.

But with Bellatrix working so fiercly against him, he was sure that she would be able to convince more people to express their thoughts openly. That they would support her suspicions if she decided to address Lord Voldemort about them.

And if their arguments were good enough and convincing, the Dark Lord would give in to them. Severus was not foolish enough to believe that the evil wizard was trusting him enough to make him or somebody else sublimely about suspicions.

Lord Voldemort did not trust anybody.

Thinking about it more closely, Severus realised that there was a possibility that Bellatrix would try to survey his steps from now on. Maybe this thought was exaggerated, maybe he overestimated her interest in revealing him as a traitor, but surely, he would not underrate her. Bellatrix Lestrange was capable of everything, regardless how crazy the ideas seemed. Because she was insane.

Taking a deep breath, Severus rolled onto his back, his eyes fixed on the magnificent carved mahagony ceiling of the room.

What was he going to do?

He could not deny to himself that he liked Rolanda a lot, a lot more than he wanted to admit to anyone, not even Albus Dumbledore. And the last days had showed him that he could hardly stand seeing her in this state of agony and distress.

But there was still the plan. The plan he had cursed to hell so many times, even before he had found that Rolanda had been captured by the Snatchers.

It was clear that he had to consider if saving Rolanda was worth the risk.

And above all, did he, Severus Snape, have the right or the importance to decide between the life of a single person and the fate of the whole wizardkind?!

With that in mind, wanting to save Rolanda seemed like a ridiculous and utterly selfish idea.

What was the life of a person, regardless how important to someone personally, in comparison to the lifes of thousands and thousands of people in the magical and non-magical world alike?!

It was clear which side weighed more, and probably this should have made it easy for Severus to decide. For some people, there would not even have been a choice.

Maybe, if this had happened years earlier, there would not have been a second thought for him either because Rolanda and him had not been very close then.

But things were not easy. They were like they were, horribly complicated, stealing his sleep.

He would have to decide, not later, but sooner. Or better, tomorrow morning.

Severus had no idea what could help him with making his choice.

His lids fell shut, but immediately he saw Rolanda's pleading eyes in front of him and he heard her faint whisper begging for him to kill her...

But this was not an option to him.

Although he did not yet know what he was going to do, there was no way he would let her give up so easily. At least he was sure about that, and maybe that was a beginning...

And slowly, after what seemed like hours of lying awake, he drifted away into a uneasy sleep, Rolanda following him into his dreams.

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**Next up – finally, Severus deciding about what he is going to do!**


	12. Chapter 12

Sorry that it took me so long, I just did not seem to have inspiration... maybe you noticed that I wrote way more oneshots, and somehow I forgot about this story – please forgive me ;) I am not going to abandon this story again, I want to finish it and I will, I promise!

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The next morning, Severus felt like he had been run over by the Hogwarts Express – several times.

He had a skull splitting headache and his heavy eyelids were falling down again and again. Despite the fact that he had only slept for a few hours, as by dawn, he had been woken up by a horrible nightmare that had caused him to sit upright in bed, panting while trying to calm himself down. When he closed his eyes, he could still see the dead empty stare of golden eyes that had haunted him this night.

After that, he had not been able to fall asleep again, hijacked by his own thoughts. Again, he had mulled over how to decide what he was going to do, again he had not been able to find a appropriate answer.

Still undecided, he had finally taken a shower, which had made him at least feel a little bit better, and a few cups of strong coffee finally brought the spirits of life back to him.

Well, at least he had come to one conclusion during this unpleasant night – he at least had to give his best to bring Rolanda back to health.

This was the least he owed to her.

That he gave his best to repay Rolanda for what he had caused to happen to her, that he gave his best to help her feel better now, even though he may not be able to rescue her.

So, after having his own breakfast, he took advantage of the Malfoy Manor being empty once again and took off to the kitchens.

Rolanda had lost weight over the time she had been here, and he knew that good food would be the basis to ensuring that she would have every possibility of regaining her strength.

Therefore, he nicked some fresh rolls, butter, a piece of cheese and red grapes from the kitchen, hoping that he would be able to come back before lunch and get some more food – he did not dare to take too much, just in case anybody could notice. The last thing he needed right now was to be caught while stealing food for his prisoner – that would only cause more problems, and he was already well served concerning those.

The food concealed in a paper bag, Severus made his way down the stairs into the cellar, where Rolanda was still lying on the stone floor.

As he approached her, he saw that she was blankly staring into the darkness of one of the corners of the cellar, her face full with the dried, salty lines that remained when tears stayed on the skin.

Only one look was enough and he knew that she was still in a deep state of shock – she did not even react as he knelt down next to her and opened the bag with the food, taking one of the rolls out. He knew that she had to be hungry, but it was as if she was not able to smell the fresh and delicious aroma of the roll.

"Rolanda, come on. You need to eat," Severus said softly, touching her shoulder gently, almost hesitantly as he somehow was afraid of frightening her by sounding or feeling too rough to her. She was fragile, a shattered glass that could fall apart if there was one wrong move done.

She did not move, did not look up or even acknowledged his presence, and his heart was painfully beating in his chest as he sat down on the cold stone floor and pulled her up a little bit, so that her head rested on his knees.

"Come on. Here, drink."

He conjured a goblet of water and placed it to her dry lips, letting the liquid drip into her slightly opened mouth. Her lips were a little bit bloody, as if she had been chewing and biting on them the whole night – maybe to muffle her screams when her own nightmares were hitting her, he did not know.

Even though she seemed reluctant, she gulped the water down, and after half the goblet, Severus managed to feed half a roll to her, bit by bit. But all the time, her golden eyes were glued to a spot in the air, and he could see the sorrow and pain in them. His guilt was coming back at him, even more intense than the last time he had been confronted with it, and he had to swallow hard before he was able to look at her face again, even though her mind was absent. She had escaped from reality, to forget the agony she had experienced here. He hoped that she was able to dream herself to a better place, one where she did not have to suffer because she wanted to do the right thing.

It felt odd to him to treat her like a soulless body, and so he continued to talk to her, even though he was sure that his voice was not able to penetrate the bubble she was hiding herself in.

"Might hurt a little bit now, I want to take a look at your wounds," he explained to her before carefully unwrapping the bandages around her forearms. The cuts had stopped bleeding and he released a sigh of relief before he conjured a healing salve, hoping that it would help where common healing spells had previously failed him. After bandaging her with fresh fabric, he turned to examine her thigh, and the relief faded from him immediately as he removed the white cotton.

The deep cuts still had some drops of fresh blood about them and the flesh looked irritated and taut, as if it was showing the first signs of a infection.

As he started to apply large amount of the salve, Rolanda whimpered for the first time on this day and it was clear that the wound was causing her a lot of pain. Her gaze wandered around, confused, before finding him, and tears were rolling down her cheeks as she sobbed in pain.

Severus felt his heart break upon the sight of her distress, it was as if he was able to feel her pain. In this second, he knew that there had always been one option to him, no matter how much he had thought about it.

He had to rescue her, no matter how high the price was.

Because if he left her to her own fate down here, which for sure meant death, he would never be able to forgive himself.


End file.
